Yesterday marked 36 weeks… and honestly my mind is blown that we’ve made it this far. Next Thursday, at 7:30am, we meet our little Bean IRL. I am both terrified and excited at the same time.
We are as ready as we can possibly be: we have about 8 freezer meals all ready to go (and will likely stock up on more this weekend), I made diaper cream, nipple balm, baby AND grown up soap and made a fresh batch of body butter for me. I repacked our hospital bag to accommodate a csection and we wrote out our csection plan. I am mentally preparing myself for weeks with almost zero sleep and a huge hormonal shift while recovering from a major surgery. Andrew and I plan on going out for supper this weekend at a fancy restaurant.
I doubt we’ll actually be prepared for what’s to come. That said… we’ve been waiting and thinking about this little girl for a long time.
A year and a half ago we were told we had a 1% chance of conceiving without medical intervention. One and a half cycles of IVF and about 11,000$ later and our little bean was conceived. Despite all odds, she survived and thrived in my belly, making it through TWO massive bleeds, low placenta, short cervix and a placenta previa. For a few months I really wasn’t sure if she’d even make it to viability.
(If you want to know details re: my experience with In Vitro Fertilization in Nova Scotia, check out the post I wrote on my old blog before we got the news that it worked: Keeping It Real: IVF)
I know it’s going to be hard. I can’t even turn around without someone sending me an article about how “shitty” motherhood is, or how awful it’s going to be, or how messy my house will get, or how I will never sleep/eat/shower again…EVER.
But I also know that nothing about our conceiving or this pregnancy has been easy. We didn’t just jump into conceiving, it took YEARS (and a LOT of pain). I have only really enjoyed the last month of this pregnancy- it has definitely not been rainbows and roses. We’ve already lost friends and adjusted our lifestyles to manage this pregnancy.
The transition will be difficult, but I have a feeling it won’t be the same as many couples who go from happy coupledom to sleep deprived zombies with a screaming baby with less than a year to mentally adjust.
It HAS been hard, but despite all our struggles, I still feel her wiggles and her hiccups and think- “it’s been worth it”. The years of trying and countless negative pregnancy tests, the emotional reality that my body isn’t doing what it should, the months of vitamins, diet modifications, daily yoga routine to get my body ready for IVF, the cancelled cycle, the financial debt of over 11,000$ for the chance to conceive, the daily hormones as a constant reminder of what my body can’t do on it’s own, the 30+ injections, the painful retrieval, the countless blood tests and vaginal ultrasounds… and the 5 months of constant nausea and looming possibility of preterm labour and miscarriage. ALL OF THIS has been worth it. I would do it again. In a heartbeat.
We can’t wait to meet her. Our little Miracle Bean.