Tomorrow marks 18 weeks (or 4.5 months)… and this time has been a huge lesson in letting go.
When I imagined my pregnant self (during immensely hopeful moments in the infertility process), I imagined a super duper healthy eating, healthy living, daily yoga practicing superstar. Oh- I figured I would be a bit ill in the first trimester but I’d quickly move beyond that and keep up my yoga practicing ways. I mean, I’d be pregnant, not ill.
Women talk about being pregnant as a time when they felt amazing. Glowing skin. Great hair. Cutest bump. And we worked so g-d hard just to GET pregnant. Of course I would bask in it’s GLOW.
The 10 week scare was the first step in completely re-evaluating everything I thought I would be while pregnant.
No more yoga (or physical activity) until the spotting was completely under control. The nausea and vomiting ramped up to the point where I was strategically vomiting in order to maximize meal digestion and not lose weight. Instead of eating healthy, I was eating whatever would make the constant nausea temporarily abate and wouldn’t be too awful coming back up (let me tell you, peanut butter is NOT pleasant to throw up). I developed an aversion to water (it actually makes me more nauseous) so had to start drinking whatever juices I could stomach to hydrate. I started napping in the evenings after supper just so I could prolong digestion before waking up, getting sick and then going to bed.
I tried all the natural options. Seriously. (if you’re wondering, YES I tried ginger, gin-gins, ginger tea, even 4 doses of ginger capsules a day). When I listed everything I had tried at my Naturopath appointment (while I tried desperately not to throw up all over her desk), she looked at me and said “Dear, you may just be one of the lucky few who are sick their entire pregnancy”.
At week 13 the spotting stopped. Success! So despite my nausea, a week later I went to my first prenatal yoga class (more on that in another post). Despite the nausea, stepping onto my mat felt like coming home. I could have cried.
Last week my OBGYN prescribed Zantac and Diaclectin (anti-nausea med that I had tried before without any success). The Zantac worked immediately. Instead of severe nausea where I dream of toilets, the Zantac brought my nausea down to mild to moderate. I still feel nauseous but I’m no longer trying desperately not to vomit every second of the day.
This week I started eating healthier and I even managed a walk one evening and a home yoga practice tonight.
I have accepted that I need to take medications to survive this, sneezing is a scary endeavour that involves something called the “round ligament”, that I won’t be eating as healthy as I had hoped, that my yoga practice will have to drastically change and that my belly button looks like a weird deformed mouth as my belly grows (no seriously, it’s creeping me out. Am I not the only one??).
So far the things about pregnancy that have been great are:
- I kinda think my belly is cute most days. Andrew LOVES it- which gives me all the feels.
- My boobs have upped a cup size for the first time in MY LIFE. It’s magical.
- I felt little tiny twinges (or “flutters”) starting a few weeks back.
- The belly butter I made smells delicious. (not really pregnancy, but ya know, I wanted at least four things on this list).
- Seeing the little bean on the ultrasound stretch it’s legs out at our 13 weeks scan.